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Toilet Training: When, Where, and How
Do I Do It?
When?
Gaining control over one’s bladder and bowels is a major developmental milestone. Most children are physiologically capable of mastering this at approximately 2 and a half years of age. Two-year-olds are naturally curious and want to imitate adults, so they may ask to use the potty when you go, but that initial interest may not be real readiness. Being “trained” involves the child knowing when he or she needs to urinate or move their bowels, not the adult around them anticipating when that is going to occur and putting them on the toilet.
Since the introduction of highly absorbent disposable diapers, children are training later because the diapers are so good at holding the wetness away from their bodies. If you do not feel uncomfortable being wet or soiled, you are less motivated to give up the comfort and convenience of diapers. The other challenge to parents is our increased mobility and busy schedules; it is hard to undertake something that requires you to be home and near a toilet when you are in the car, at work, or sitting in your other child’s karate class.
The following are signs that your child may be ready to take this big step: Child is showing an interest in the toilet/bathroom and wants to be near you when you use the bathroom. Your child knows the appropriate terms for bodily functions. Your child can stay dry for two hours. Your child is out of the “no” stage; otherwise the process becomes a huge power play and everyone will be miserable.
The biggest question is of course, are you ready? Diapers are convenient on trips and errands: you don’t have to stop what you are doing to find a bathroom and in our germ conscious world, many parents want to avoid public restrooms altogether.
Where?
It is best to time the undertaking when you will be able to stay home for at least 5 days and focus on this important event.
Most parents find that having a toilet insert seat for the “grown up” toilet, as well as a small portable potty that can be moved anywhere in the house works best. Some children feel more comfortable being close to the ground and will gravitate toward a free standing potty where their feet can touch the ground. Others want to sit on an insert with perhaps a stool underneath for their feet to rest upon. Children want to feel comfortable and safe when they are sitting down and there is nothing worse than thinking you have to hold onto the sides of a grown up toilet for fear of falling in. After your child becomes comfortable visiting the bathroom in his or her own home, then you can try other ones. Many parents purchase a free standing portable potty to carry with them in the car. These travel potties have insert/liners, so you can dispose of the waste products. There are also folding inserts that you can carry around in a plastic bag should you find yourself in a public bathroom.
How?
You can start the process by reading some books with your child about potty training. There is a very funny one entitled Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi.
You can tell them you’ve noticed they are waking up dry from their nap, or that the diapers are running out, so very soon you will take them shopping for their very own underpants. It’s a sign of respect to ask your child to help you pick out their new “big boy of big girl” underpants. Some parents like to put the regular underpants under a pair of pull ups so accidents will not involve a clothes change.
Make sure that your child knows that b.m.’s and urine are things that their body does not need anymore so it is okay to flush them away. Instead of saying “Do you want to use the potty?”, make the situation less stressful by telling your child that you will be sitting him or her on the potty every few hours just to “See if there is anything that needs to come out.” You can also announce before leaving the house that you have to use the bathroom. If you say to your child, “Are you sure you don’t have to go?”, I guarantee they will say “No” then tell you they have to “Go right now” as soon as you get their snowsuit on. Some children like to collect stickers for every time they use the toilet successfully and others are not motivated by external rewards.
If they have accident, try not to make a big deal about it and assure them that everyone has accidents when they are first learning to use the toilet. The more matter of fact you can be about the process, the easier things will go.
When they are successful, praise them with “You must be so proud of yourself!” so they can see that this is something they are doing for themselves, not to please you. This is their achievement.
